In this post I’m giving you a fertility ritual that can help you turn over a new leaf in your fertility journey. In my work with clients, this has come up time and again and I find myself recommending this ritual pretty frequently.
It’s a ritual that works not just for fertility but for any time in your life that you want to release and start fresh.
But the power that it has for reinvigorating your fertility journey is amazing. It can help you release all the fear, doubt, regret, hopelessness, anxiety, anger, envy and despair that can consume your life when you’re trying to conceive. It can help you regain the calm, confidence, and hope that you need to remain sane, to not lose your mind, on a journey that definitely messes with your mind.
I was first introduced to this ritual in a yoga workshop back in 2007. It was the winter solstice, and we were working on letting go of the previous season so that we could set intentions for the new season, and the new calendar year coming up. This spoke to me on so many levels that I’ve continued doing it ever since – through lots of changes in my life – new jobs, marital issues, trying to conceive and still today as I’m faced with life changes and the need for calm and clarity to weather those changes.
FERTILITY RITUAL PART 1: DO THE WRITE THING
So the first part of the ritual is to get everything out on paper. Grab some writing paper and a pen or pencil, and start writing – anything and everything you want. Write for 15-20 minutes straight. Or however long you would like, but I’d suggest at least 15 minutes. Get it all out – everything you are feeling about and toward your fertility, and your journey.
Angry? Express it freely. Envious or jealous? Vent at whomever you’re envious of. Regretful? Write all about the choices you wish you’d made or where you feel like you’ve screwed up. Hopeless? Write why. Scared you’ll never be a mom? Get that fear out now on paper.
Do a complete brain dump of everything going on in your head – that gets these feelings, thoughts and emotions out of your head and onto paper. Writing is an incredibly cathartic process, so before you’ve even done anything, you’ve had a release – just by getting it all on paper.
Don’t try to censor yourself. Write anything and everything you feel. Load it with expletives and the F-bomb if you want. No one is ever going to see this but you – so write with reckless abandon!
You don’t even have to write in complete sentences – bullets is fine if that’s easier for you. And after you’re done, for the love of all things holy, don’t go back and edit your writing. The point is to get raw and real. Once you start editing you lose the authenticity. You’re not aiming for Pulitzer Prize-winning writing here.
You just want to get it out. You want to get all your thoughts and feelings on paper.
Don’t you feel better already?
FERTILITY RITUAL PART 2: BURN, BABY BURN
Now that you have your papers with all your fears, angers, anxieties and ventings on them, it’s time to take the next step in your fertility ritual.
By writing all of these feelings down, you’re honoring them. You’re honoring who you are and how you feel, and your reality, in this very moment. So often we women are discouraged from getting angry. We’re told all the time that we have to be “nice little girls” – well, I’m here to tell you that sometimes you just gotta get angry! And especially on this journey where so much can seem so unfair.
For this ritual you’re not only letting it all out, you’re honoring and validating your very real and honorable and valid feelings, thoughts and emotions.
After you’ve honored them, it’s time to release them.
Take all your papers, and burn them.
There are lots of ways you can do this. The key is to make a plan, and burn safely. Create a safe and controlled environment to do this. We don’t act in the heat of the moment (so to speak), especially where fire is concerned.
You can use the firepit in your back yard, if you have one. This would be my recommendation, if that’s feasible for you. In pagan times, burning release rituals were always done outside, in the twilight air.
You could also use your barbecue grill, or your fireplace indoors, or your stove, if you’re very careful.
Before you get started, you could make a nice cup of tea for yourself. Marvel in what you’re about to do. Make this ritual an event.
Once you’ve got your fire going, you can sit and watch for a few minutes. Watch as the flames dance with anticipation. And, as you’re ready, put your papers in the fire.
Watch the papers burn. Watch as they disintegrate into ashes.
You are literally watching all of your fears and anxieties around your fertility vanish, and go up in smoke.
USE A MANTRA
As you watch your papers – and your fears and anxieties – burn away, you could repeat a simple mantra to yourself, either in your head or out loud –
I release all fear and doubt surrounding my fertility.
The burning should only take a few minutes. You can let your fire dissipate naturally on its own, or you can extinguish it.
After you’re done, take a few minutes to reflect on the experience. How did it feel to get your feelings out on paper? Then, how did it feel to release them? How did it feel to watch them burn and die? How do you feel now moving forward? What’s your next step?
Sometimes it takes more than one burning ritual to really get everything out. Keep this in mind – you may have to do two or more burning rituals.
BURN ANY TIME YOU NEED A FRESH START
You can do the burning fertility ritual anytime you need a fresh start. Some logical times could be
- New Year’s Eve (this is when I first did it)
- An equiniox or solstice, bringing in a new season
- Every month on the New Moon, which is symbolic of new beginnings
- Every month when you start a new menstrual cycle. Day 1 is such a mixed bag, this could become your Day 1 ritual to usher in a new cycle with renewed hope
I’d love to hear how this fertility ritual goes for you!